Like most men my age, I have an uncanny attraction to lists. Whenever I notice a copy of Q displaying the ‘100 Greatest Albums of All Time’ or a copy of Nuts with ’25 Best Big-Chested Girls’ emblazoned across the front page, I instinctively feel the need to go and have a gander at what they’ve picked (and to gawp at some pleasantly ample bosoms).
Being that there’s no midweek games left, and transfer talk is at a mere whisper at this point unless you’re associated with Manchester City Football Club, I’ve decided it’s only fair to compile a list of my own concerning the Premiership’s biggest flops this season. I’m physically bracing myself for the amount of abuse I may receive when I come to check my comments to be moderated, but hey ho; it’s my little bit of internet space and you’re all reading it, so here goes…
• Joe Cole – I’ll be honest, at the beginning of the season, this was what I considered to be the shrewdest move of the summer. Taking into consideration the way I watched Cole terrorize the wings when I could still afford to go to games, and his tendency to pop up with a vital goal, often of the very spectacular variety just when you needed him to, he seemed to be the perfect addition to a Liverpool squad who had slumped the previous season under the stewardship of seemingly now renowned balls-up merchant Rafa Benitez. Oh how it all tumbled so quickly though, a straight red on his debut and he just hasn’t looked the same since. I think the Reds are now beginning to see why Chelsea allowed their man to go for nothing; he simply isn’t the same player he was when he first arrived at Chelsea and could hold a place in their starting line-up, certainly not “better than Messi” as Lord Gerrard proclaimed at the beginning of the year. A special mention here also needs to go to Paul Konchesky; the left back who couldn’t defend. Probably not the wisest £4m Liverpool have ever spent; contributed nothing and was so bad even his mum complained. I would do a bit about Steven Gerrard too, however I’ve picked on Liverpool for long enough now, so moving swiftly on…
• The Entire Attacking Playing Staff at Tottenham Hotspur FC – Simply, where have they gone this season? This is essentially the exact same strike force that was thumping nine goals past Wigan last season, yet this time round they’ve been a shadow of the attacking force they used to be. Champions League group stage performances aside, this has been a major stumbling point for Auld ‘Arry this year. Whilst the four teams above Spurs are sitting on a tidy goal difference of +39, +37, +25, and +29 respectively, Redknapp’s boys are languishing on a paltry +8. Too many draws and a lack of being able to finish teams off has been their Achilles heel for 2010/11, and for Spurs sake in the summer, I hope they add a decent striker to their numbers.
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• Wayne Bridge – After seemingly sensing the embarrassment that was to come at the World Cup, and standing up to schoolyard bully type John Terry in the process, the City full back looked like he was going to have a belter of a season challenging with his Blues team mates. However, the heavily implied opinion of him as a ‘Hughes Player’ and the frankly overpriced move for Kolarov proved that he was being phased out at City. Lo and behold his saving grace; a move to West Ham for some first team football! However, the move has proved to be an absolute disaster for Bridge and he’s in turn merely provided a terrific exhibition in how not to defend in the Premiership. His displays for the Hammers have been second only to Roque Junior in his hilariously short stint at Leeds a few years ago on a scale of how bad he’s been considering he’s an established international defender. Moving forward, he may have a better season next year, but as far as this season goes I think it’s one to forget.
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• Edin Dzeko – Is it just me or have Man City’s big money transfers seemed to fail to live up to their hype? Whilst City fans will argue vehemently (like they usually do) and defend their team savagely, claiming that Dzeko scored a goal that kept them in the FA Cup; a competition that they of course went on to win. It’s all well and good claiming such a thing, however the goal came against League Two (now League One) side Notts County. When you take into consideration that Dzeko was absolutely banging them in for Wolfsburg not too long ago, Notts County should have been an absolute walk in the park for him and he should have made more of a substantial impact in the Premiership than his five goals have proven so far. For a team with decent enough wingers that should be supplying him with goals a-plenty, Dzeko manages to make himself look very isolated when Mancini gives him a bit of a go. Whether over the course of the summer he’ll learn to adapt his play to the English league time can only tell, but for a player valued so highly it’s been a disappointment not seeing him deliver like he should. Another special mention while I’m on the subject of Man City here goes to James Milner. For all the trouble and strife that his transfer to the Blues caused (almost certainly causing Martin O’Neil’s walkout – I’d be pissed off too if my club was turning into a feeder for the bigger clubs), he hasn’t exactly set Eastlands on fire with his displays and proved his worth in transfer fees.
• Fernando Torres – Speaking of not proving their worth in transfer fees, I think it was a little bit inevitable – almost too obvious that I’d include El Niño in my list. You’d have thought that Roman Abramovich would have learnt last time, when he triumphantly ruined Andriy Shevchenko’s career that he should not dictate who his money is spent on; that’s the job of the manager. One could see this season as a dastardly exchange between Liverpool and Chelsea; the Blues laughing and rubbing their hands as they offloaded the past-it Joe Cole to their Mersey rivals, and similarly the Reds laughing and rubbing their hands as they offloaded (past it?) sulk merchant Torres. The only difference between the two pieces of business being that Chelsea were mugged into paying a frankly whopping £50m for a man who had been having a shocker of a season on the back of another shocker of a season for Liverpool. A move to a club where he actually wanted to play hinted that he might find his scoring touch again and be as deadly as he was almost three years ago now, but no. Still he slumps his shoulders, looks uninterested, and sulks his way to the bench when he’s substituted like a Spaniard who has missed his siesta. Chelsea fans won’t manage to convince me that a goal against West Ham, professional calamity experts this season, suddenly makes him worth his transfer fee; the ball stopped on a puddle for Christ’s sake. Again, a full summer’s break and a good rest may bring him back into action to begin next season razor sharp once again, but in the meantime – fifty million quid?
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• Heurelho Gomes – A player that seems to have gone backwards rather than forwards and the reasoning behind it is baffling. Whilst he had a very solid season last time round, this year the Brazilian has gone back to the form when he first joined the club that wasn’t so much ‘shot stopper’ rather ‘shot spiller’. Unfortunately for Spurs this season, Gomes just hasn’t had the consistency of a Champions League level keeper, his displays in both legs against Real Madrid being the primary focus here. In the games I have seen Spurs play this season, Gomes manages the consistency of being unsure when coming to collect a cross, an inability to hold onto the ball, and his lack of being able to command his penalty area like a good goalkeeper should have been a major hindrance in Spurs progressing and re-qualifying for Europe again this year. It’s perfectly understandable that goalkeepers make mistakes, and that’s a given; it happens to every keeper, but Gomes has just done it too many times this year and it has affected his team in a dire way.
• Arsene Wenger – A bit of a controversial choice that I’ve even questioned myself, because by all intents and purposes, I quite like Arsenal and the way they play under Wenger. Sure enough they can be a bit frustrating to watch when they dick about with the ball too much when they should just shoot, but when they’re on their game, they’re a delight to watch. So what I can’t understand is how badly it’s fallen apart since the Carling Cup final defeat to Birmingham; a trophy that they should have walked through to picking up (no disrespect to Birmingham City fans) and on course to give United a right good challenge for the league. Wenger has said it himself though, his team were dejected after that cup final loss, so surely it should be up to the manager to fire his players up and say to them “well if we can’t win this, then we can surely win the Premiership”. And in all respect to Man United, they should have been challenged more than they should. A late surge from Chelsea aside, as soon as Arsenal fell apart the league was practically sealed for that lot from Manchester. It should have been up to the manager to instil some belief into his players that they can be successful, but as has been the case for a long time now especially in Arsenal terms, that success is still eluding them. I’m all for Wenger’s theory of investing in players for the future, but the man needs some genuine match winners at his disposal; experienced players who know just what to say to the younger, more inexperienced members of the squad. Furthermore, when Wenger had the opportunity in January to sort out his back four – another thing that has plagued the Gunners this year – he did nothing. The talk of whether Wenger’s time at the helm is up has been around for a season or two now, but in my opinion it seems to be going around a little louder than usual lately. Do Arsenal need a new manager to freshen things up? I don’t think so personally, but football is a very fickle sport and fans and more importantly board members can soon forget how much experience and history of winning trophies a manager has.
And there you have it, just a pick of some of the disappointments of the season this time round. Honourable mentions that haven’t been already highlighted include Bebe, Poulsen and Squillaci, but I’ll leave further flops to be discussed by your good selves.
Read more of Arron’s articles at This is Futbol
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