Our writer puts himself in the shoes of the India fans watching their team’s collapse against New Zealand
Jarrod Kimber15-Mar-20162:33
Chappell: India can’t complain about the pitch
This is very touching, Martin Guptill is crying while they honour his hero Martin Crowe.Then he is at the crease. R Ashwin is in front of him. With his 5 for 32 and 7 for 66 from the last Test here. We are screaming, chanting, pure noise. We have beaten the BCCI ticketing system, the trip out of town to the ground, the traffic, and the endless queues just to get into the ground. Guptill’s job is just to get out. That is all.But first ball he plants Ashwin over the fence. We are surprised, and we cheer, maybe just out of shock. This is our event though, so the first ball should be a six, even if we didn’t hit it. There was a rumour of games here earlier in the week, but this is the start, no?Guptill is out. Spin is already king. Colin Munro hits a six, then gets out too. This is awesome, maximum maximums and wickets everywhere. And now Williamson, ha, the Kane Williamson, he is almost, almost, as good as our boys, and he is gone.This is our party, our celebration, our moment, our tournament, our country, our everything. We are bossing it, smashing it, destroying it. New Zealand are performing their role of live chum to perfection.They can slow the game down if they want, they can consolidate, we will party. We don’t need fours and sixes to have a good time, India will make them, enough for both sides, on their way to inevitable victory.Of course the pitch was tough; India hadn’t batted on it. Sure it spun; India had bowled on it.Ashwin was just warming up, the bowling equivalent of cracking his knuckles. Ravi Jadeja was firing them at the pads for fun. Suresh Raina was inventing the run-and-bowled manoeuvre.Corey Anderson, one of the higher stocks on the IPL exchange, couldn’t hit the ball. Ross Taylor was confused. Mitchell Santner was just moving the ball around. Grant Elliott was struggling. Only Luke Ronchi looked good. Heck, New Zealand’s best over in the middle of their innings was from 10 extras. Even while New Zealand batted, India was outscoring them.The total wasn’t even that, it was an incomplete. It was an inadequate chase for our superstars, if anything it would mean fewer maximums would be hammered as the pitiful score was helicoptered out of Nagpur.There was no way India could lose. Not our India. Not at home. Not with this total. Not with all the face paint, the flags, the official replica jerseys, the knock-off replica jerseys, the noise and the passion. It was worth 100 runs on its own. We were doing our part, now our men, our stars, our legends, would collect their win and we would all bathe in the beautiful glow of a victory for our nation.Shikhar Dhawan would end this total. Rohit Sharma can make more than double this on his own. Suresh Raina would compete his all-round match-winning performance. Yuvraj Singh could get a quarter of the score in one over. Jadeja and his bag of triple centuries.Oh, Virat, he averaged like a million in T20 chases.Oh, Dhoni. MS. Mahi. Nuff said.I mean what is a Santner? An Ish Sodhi? And Brendon McCullum’s brother, come on, you are not being serious right now, come back later when you are serious. Trent Boult, gone. Tim Southee, gone. Adam, Milne, a back-up, Anderson, hardly threatening, Elliott, no, that is not an attack that can defend 126, not against anyone. Not against India. Not in India. Not against Dhoni.Shikhar is out, pfft, not a big deal, plenty more of that in the dugout. Rohit, ha, his nohit will not bother us today. Suresh and Yuvi, ok, ok, this is odd, but Virat, Dhoni, come on, who do you think are New Zealand, all you are doing is delaying our gratification, giving Dhoni a chance to just do what Dhoni does.Even without Virat. Even without Jadeja. Even without, wait, what, Ashwin. Why is Ashwin here? What is he doing out in the middle, is this a confusing joke, a huge prank, or is Dhoni trying to make this as hard as he can for himself. Is he waiting until he has to hit a six every ball, and then he will hit a six every ball, and he will tell us that we should always believe in him, and we will quickly pretend like we always did?When did New Zealand even find a whole three spinners, did they clone Daniel Vettori? This is just silly. How are these men we don’t know beating us at our game, in our country, in our tournament.A six, a Dhoni six. It hit the commentators. It is long and beautiful. He was rope-a-doping New Zealand. He was making them bowl out their spinners. He was leaving it until the last minute, the Dhoni minute. Aha, yes. This is it. Yes, our Dhoni, he will deliver us to glory.There is not enough time for man, but there is time for Dhoni.What is that moving at mid-on? It’s going so fast. It’s diving. It’s throwing the ball up. Why is Dhoni leaving? What 79? No. No. Please, no.We are leaving now. This is not what we came for. Now we want to cry.
